Yoruba Traditional Marriage and Wedding Ceremony in Nigeria

Today we are looking at the Yoruba culture of western part of Nigeria. The Yoruba culture is so rich in folktale, color and tradition. Known for their exceptional ways of combining old traditions with current themes, the Yoruba people are merry loving people.

The Yoruba traditional marriage ceremony, though a serious affair, is filled with light-heartedness, rich contemporary Nigerian music, colorful and splendid meals. Not forgetting the showcase of different outfits, jewelry, handbags shoes and even dancing styles.

The traditional wedding is an occasion to lessen the hard work of a normal life and brings about excitement from friends and other well-wishers.

The Introduction   

Prior to when the engagement ceremony will hold, the groom is expected to visit the family of the bride alongside his father and some family members. The event is a relaxed introduction not necessarily to be elaborate but also have as a cordial atmosphere so they can get to know one another better.

The introduction does not require much preparation, except for offering some tubers of yam and some bottles of wine. The family of bride is informed ahead of time about the visit and they will host the visitor with a simple meal of rice and mineral water.

In some cases, wedding dates are being discussed during the Introduction because that is the only ceremony before the marriage where both immediate and some extended family members will be available all in one place to decide on a time that is convenient for the family to have the marriage.

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Invitations and Venue

After the date is chosen, the bride and groom choose an invitation card that pleases both families. Details included on the card include the date of the wedding, the venue, name of the bride and groom, RSVP information and the Color code for the day. The bride's family may choose a different color code from the groom's family and friends so that each family is represent by a color on the marriage day.

The couple may select their own venue or it’s the call of the bride's family. An interesting thing about choosing a venue is that it is usually agreed on by both families. So also is the meal to be served on the occasion.

                                                  Photo Credit: Paramount Concepts

Event Planner, Caterer and Drinks vendor

The venue could be an event center, a large hall, an open tent or an open field. An event planner is contacted for the venue decorations and same is expected to interpret the colors chosen for the day.

Catering also plays a vital role on that day, this can also be done by both families. The contracted caterers should be professional in their practice and be able to make assorted meals and so on.

Sometimes, family members from both sides also cook additional meals to entertain their instantaneous guests, such as neighbors and family friends.

The drinks could be the responsibility of the caterers or can be contracted out to drink suppliers/vendor. Their duty is to ensure the drinks are well chilled and serve the guests. The drinks type could vary from alcohol to non-alcohols, juice, soft drinks and so on.

Traditional clothing

The bride is dressed is such a way that it portrays what other female guests will wear. She might choose cloths ranging from Damask, lace, Nigerian wax fabric and so on. Her outfit consists of headgear (gele) which is the tied around the head, the buba tank top and a wrapper (iro) which is a large, full-length piece of material tied around her waist.

She chooses a color that reflects the color code of her family and also will complement the outfit of the groom and look identical. Accessories like gold chains, bangles, beads, ear rings and shoes to match can be worn by the bride. She would have make-up artists and hair stylists to beautify her for the occasion as well.

The groom’s outfit could be an Agbada, which is a two- layered piece of material of heavy dimension like the Aso oke.

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The color combination should reflect bride’s outfit and also reflect the color his family has chosen.

The engagement ceremony

The traditional engagement is carried out in an elegant way and it is anchored by an Alaga Ijoko which is otherwise known as the traditional master of the ceremony. This person could be a member of the family or a total stranger. The Alaga Ijoko is at all-time a woman. Her obligation is to officiate and ensure that each provision of tradition is firmly observed.

The Alaga Ijoko coordinates several stages of the ceremony, one of which is collecting cash which she keeps. She will officially introduce the groom and his friends to the bride’s family. This involves prostrating to the family and requesting their daughter’s hand in marriage.

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On the other hand, the groom’s family also contracts a professional called Alaga Iduro, which also means a master of ceremony who follows the groom and his family to beg for the hand of their daughter.

Other events include the letter reading, and is often read by a young lady from the groom’s family and which is intended to ask for the bride’s hand in marriage. The bride’s family also replies with a letter.

The engagement is an important part of the traditional marriage. While the ceremony is on-going, the listed items for the engagement are been presented. The items vary considerably in each Yoruba traditional wedding but the common articles are the same.

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• A bag of rice
• A bag of sugar
• A large number of bitter kola   
• Alligator pepper
• A bag of salt
• Kola nut
• A keg of honey
• If Christian, a bible
• About forty large tubers of yam
• Non edible items could include expensive materials like lace, several pairs of shoes, a wristwatch, a    gold engagement ring, and a head tie.

The Bride and Groom

At some point the engagement procedures officiated by the Alaga Ijoko are carried out in the absence of the groom. A question and answer format is been used by the professionals, where the bride’s mediator puts the representatives of the groom through some studs. At a particular point the groom’s presence is required and he comes forward to be announced to the bride’s family and parents.

After when all the requirements are met, the groom is brought forward to sit in one of the two large chairs specially reserved and positioned in front of the guests. The chairs are well decorated with a touch of the color theme by the wedding planner/decorator.

The bride is then ushered into the hall, trailed by her friends and bridesmaids. With music in the air, they dance excitedly around her as she steps in. the bride also goes through a few protocols, but money is given to her and not taken from her, as in the case of the groom.

She is presented to the groom’s family and proceeds to her place beside the groom. They are considered married at this stage. The wife performs her first task of feeding the groom with some cake and wine and even gives him a kiss, to the delight on the guests.

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The Cake and Entertainment

The marriage has been contracted and what is left is to dance, meal served and make merry. The guests are entertainment by a live band or disc jockey with a master of ceremony which introduces the live band or the disc jockey and ensure the planned program is adhered to. He or she is different from the Alaga iduro and Alaga ijoko.

The live band renders rich ethnic songs and combination of modern popular songs with english, Yoruba native and talking drums. The most common music genres played at such traditional marriages are juju music, high life music, hip hop, and current circular sounds.

The bride chooses the cakes that best complements the ceremony, a baker is contracted for the cake and the cake could be chocolate or multi-layered butter with regular icing. The caked might contain statutes of the couple or a simple inscription of the bride’s choosing. Before of the cutting of the cake, the cake maker tells the guests about the cake content. The couple dance brings the traditional wedding to an end. Photographs of the families, friends and guests are taken as the ceremony comes to an end.

Conclusion

Yoruba traditional marriages are fun-filled and well planned occasions that reunite family members as they also announce to the world the unification of the loved ones.

Sometimes a civil union involving court wedding and church wedding can be combine into the occasion while having a separate wedding reception. For a Muslim family, they practice a more simplified wedding procedures, with the presence of Islamic scholars and religious leaders who offer prayers to grace the occasion then followed by entertainments.

How to speak mindfully

When we talk about communication, they are two components involved. There is the speaker and there is the listener. So when we talked about mindfulness in communication, we must not forget that mindful listening is also important, not just mindful speaking. We will cover mindful listening in our subsequent post, but today we will cover mindful speaking. When we talk mindfully, a good way to start is by dropping whatever it is we are doing and just focused on what we want to say. Again, it is equally important to establish good eye contact with the listener.

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In addition to these two points, the following are few extra tips to speaking mindfully.
1. Clear your head of all assumptions It is always a good idea to clarify what the listener already knows instead of making assumptions that he already knows it. Then it becomes easier to tailor your speech to what is relevant to him. Likewise, the listener should also make it a habit to verify and clarify any points he is unsure about. Making unnecessary assumptions can lead to misunderstanding.

2. Before you speak, pass through the Triple Filters test Whenever we communicate something, it is important to reflect first before we say it. The Triple Filters test, attributed to the wisdom of Socrates, is a good way to reflect on what you want to say. The first filter is TRUTH. Is what you say true? If it is not, do not say it. Even if it is true, we then need to filter it at the next level. The second filter is GOODNESS. Ask yourself, is it beneficial to the listener? Will it do him good, or otherwise? If it will not benefit him, or may even harm him, what would be the wisdom of saying it to him? On the other hand, if it is true and good, then we pass it through the third and final filter. The third filter is APPROPRIATENESS. For appropriateness, we need to look at whether it is appropriate in time, in place and in person. Is it the right time to say it? Is this the right place for it? Are you the right person to say it, or is this the right person to say it to? Passing your speech through this Triple Filters test will make sure that your motive for speaking is good and not due to some hidden selfish agenda.

3. As you are speaking, be mindful of a few things The first thing to be mindful of when you speak is to notice whether the words you choose are appropriate and accurately send the message you intended. Next, watch the tone of your voice. Is it friendly and warm, or hostile? Is there any hint of criticism or judgment? Be mindful also of your body language, gestures and postures. Remember that a warm friendly speech is always more welcoming than a harsh speech, and the listener is more likely to be receptive to it. It may be difficult to be mindful of all the above when we first practice mindfulness in speaking, but as with all skills, with constant practice it will become easier. Once you have become good at it, you will notice the transformation in your relationships with others in a positive way.